Two men stood at the bar discussing the attractiveness of a young woman who was sitting with a girlfriend about 20 feet away. Finally, after about 15 minutes, the object of their attention walked up to the bartender and requested a martini. The shy one had called “dibs” but said nothing as they stood nearly two feet apart. Finally, after a painfully silent minute and a half, she accepted her drink and walked back to her table.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” the good-looking 30-something asked his well-intentioned buddy. “I didn’t want to give her a line,” he said. His friend shook his head and laughed, “Man, you have no game. You have anti-game. All you need to do is toss a line out and get in, then you tell them what they want to hear. It’s 80 percent effective, I tell you.” I laughed loud enough for them to hear me. The playboy took it as an invitation, the shy one stood there with a look of gratitude on his face, and we spent the next hour discussing what really impresses a woman. At the end of the conversation, only one of the men walked out with a phone number.
Spoiler alert: It wasn’t the one with “game.” This list is, in part, a result of the conversation. (Another conversation is the 4 traits every man should have before you marry him.)
Note: Ladies, don’t let the title fool you; we are not off the hook. These tips work equally well for women looking to impress men and are really just about mutual respect. What’s “hotter” than that?
1. Act like an adult. This is such a big one, guys. Let’s first discuss what is not acting like an adult. Basically, it’s doing anything a 13-year-old girl would do.This includes, but is not limited to: ignoring texts, ending texts with “!!!” or “?!”, throwing tantrums, calling names and making statements to which “I know you are, but what am I?” could be accurately applied.
2. Make a decision. Wishy-washy is not decisive. Decisive is secure. Women like secure.
3. Think things through and have a plan. Throwing caution to the wind is fun when you’re booking a weekend getaway, not when you’re looking at your future.
4. Have an opinion about things. Just recognize that it’s just an opinion and allow room for the opinions of others. Especially hers. Especially in front of other people.
5. Be transparent. If you want to see her, say so. If it’s just a booty call, say so. If you want a relationship, say so. If you’re not sure what you want, leave her alone.
6. Be as supportive and proud of her career as you are of yours. Believe me, this will set you apart.
7. When having sex with her…Focus on more than just recreating the porn video you just watched and do that amazing thing you do much slower.
8. Bring her flowers. Do this on days that are not her birthday, your anniversary or one on which you screwed up. Better yet, screw the flowers. Write her a letter.
9. Give good eye contact. Seriously, it works like giving her two glasses of wine.
10. Invite her out. Ask her if there is any place that she’d like to go or if you can make the plans. Then make some great ones and be on time.
11. When you ask her how her day was… Pay attention to her response. Listen to it and ask if you can help before you start telling her what to do.
12. You know what your mother said? It was rude.
13. Ask her to dance. Bonus points if you’re alone in your apartment.
14. Unless it’s a threat to your life or the life of someone you love, handle your s%$ like nothing can break you. Not because you’re not vulnerable, but because S%#@ happens and you’re smart and strong enough to deal with life.
15. Stay quiet and calm when you want to yell and scream. Do you really want to look like a teething 2-year-old?
16. Treat her the way you would want a man to treat your daughter. Would you want a man to start sending or asking for body shots as soon as he got her number?
17. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Especially when you least think she deserves it.
18. Trust her. Don’t assume friendships with men mean she can be stolen from you, wants to make you jealous or doesn’t respect you.
19. If you’re going to end it, end it clearly, respectfully and with dignity. Don’t play the “I need time” game. If, in time, you want her back, come back and see if she still wants you and go from there.
20. Call when you say you will call, be where you say you will be, do what you say you will do. Enough said.
21. Know when — and how — to apologize. Don’t be sorry she felt that way, be sorry you did it.
22. Use your words wisely. Communicate effectively. Clarify misunderstandings. Say “I love you” and “I am sorry” and “I will call you” only when you mean it.
23. When she gets emotional, don’t do any of the following. Mention anything having to do with any time of month, refer to her as a “nag” (or worse), try and “fix” it, tell her she “should not” feel that way or respond with any statement that shows that you have it worse than she does.
24. Be respectful, even when you’re mad. Even when ending it. Even after you have ended it. Even if she will never know.
25. Know the difference between opinion and fact.
Bonus Points: If you love her, fight for her, not with her.